Extra-small! We Don’t Have Any!

This is definitely a short, yet telling-tale about day-to-day life in retail. I’m rushing back to the fitting-room with clothes a customer wanted, when a Korean couple stops me. They point at a tank top, telling me they want an extra-small. I point at the pile, all that we have left.
They look at me, and not in unison, say again, “Extra-small.”
“That’s all I have left.”
Again, not in unison, this time, yelling, “Extra-small!”
“We don’t have anymore,” I raise my voice a little, as I’ve learned it’s only fair and some people actually appreciate being talked to in the same tone they talk to you. Either that, or they give you some respect for keeping your dignity intact, I can’t tell.
“Extra-small!” They yell louder.
“There is no more!” I reply, but this time, I’ve learned to give that look, the one that crosses languages, the one that makes me a master of non-verbal communication, the one that says stop asking a stupid question, and stop demanding like you’re a child.
They reply more softly, “Okay,” letting me continue my journey back to the safety of the fitting room. Sometimes I feel like a fish trying to breathe outside of water, rushing to get back in.

Customer Types: Learn the Language

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Inconsistent Sizes

I’m nearby a couple looking at graphic shirts. I’m folding and they don’t seem to want my help. Of course, this doesn’t mean I can’t listen in, right?

“Look at all these shirts! The sizes are so inconsistent.” He shows her two shirts, “This is a large, but this is also a large, but it’s not large. Can you see that? All the sizes are wrong.”

If he had included me in the conversation, I would have told him these are shirts brought into the company from other brands and companies, to help promote their shirts. I personally noticed some are longer, and some slimmer depending on who made them and what customers they made each shirt for–because you know, some customers prefer longer, slimmer, wider, and shorter, etc. I was particularly surprised about the sizing of these shirts, but I just find the one that fits best and move on. Either way, I just keep folding.

“Well that one is the right size, it would fit you,” his girlfriend says with encouragement.
“It doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t wear it anyway.” He grabs the pile of shirts he was looking at, and shoves them back onto the shelf and walks away.

Now, that’s an outstanding man, and I must commend his girlfriend for her outstanding taste in men. I am so glad that not only did he waste my time by looking at all the shirts just to complain they were inconsistent in sizes, but even when he did find the right size, it didn’t matter, because he wouldn’t wear it anyway–awesome, spectacular, awe-inspiring. This man is definitely management material, here. Someone, hire him immediately!

Customer Types: Big Baby

Dot Sale

A couple enters from the children’s section. They have different promotions than we do, so I decide to tell them.
“Hello, we have additional sale on adult sale product!”
The woman turns to me, and half-shouts, “WAIT!” There is a moment of silence. I was expecting her to be all surprised, asking if she heard me right or something. “Did you just say Dot sale or Adult sale?”
My face goes blank. I have no words to say. I know the proper response is, “Oh, why yes, I did say Adult Sale.” Instead, my face must say what I’m thinking, “Why in all the world would I say Dot sale? What the hell is a Dot sale? Who even says Dot sale?” Seriously?
Her husband, bluntly, answers for me, as he pushes her along, “He said Adult sale.” You know, there are times your spouse makes you embarrassed you married them. This is one of those times.

Customer Types: The Deaf, The Dumb, Rhetorical

Flare is So Wide!

I’m helping an older woman who asks for a mid-rise denim with straight legs. I tell her we have skinny jeans that are mid-rise, but all of our straight legs are lower rise. (I mean, have you seen high-rise straight leg denim? It’s like a long tube.) She doesn’t want skinny. She doesn’t want low-rise. I offer her the next option, which are boot cut. Instead, she goes back to looking at the denim when I first approached her–a mid-rise flared denim. I tell her it’s flare, which is three-inches wider than boot and six-inches wider than straight. I tell her it like a bell-bottom. I tell her it’s the widest we have.

She stares at me blankly. “Well I just want to see it,” she tells me as she opens it. Then she gasps, “It’s so wide!”

Customer Types: The Deaf, The Dumb

Buy one, get one… what?

Buy one, get one free. In case customers decided to return one of the items, we wanted to make sure customers get some money in return. So we divided the discount evenly between the two items–thus 50% off both items, which is equal to 100% off a single item. Got it? If you don’t, then we have a problem.

So I’m ringing up a customer, and telling her how the discount works, so she knows she won’t return an item for 100%-off, getting $0.00 back. She looks at me, calmly stating, “Yes, I understand.” So I divide several pairs of items, 50/50, 50/50.

When I hand her the receipt, she looks at it, standing there for a moment. Then she looks at me, pushing it at me, “What is this? What did you do? I thought one item was free?”

“I explained it, and you said you understood. I guess you didn’t.”

Customer types: Liar, Deaf

P.S.
If you need a detailed explanation: you buy two items $40 and $40. I give you $40-off, splitting it $20 for one item and $20 for the other. Thus you pay $20 and $20 or $40 total. If you need to return one of these items, you still get $20 back. Buy one, get one free in value.